and Another Summer Ends...More New Beginnings

So...a week ago today, I:

- finished up my last load of laundry and packed
- cooked dinner with my house mates
- watched Anchor Man with a group of amazing new friends
- drank some whiskey, wine, and vodka
- and didn't want to go to sleep knowing in the morning i would have to leave

I know I've said this about a hundred times by know but, I love Whitefish, MT! It's probably the one place where I feel most like myself because I stop focusing on what people think of me, and just focus on me (for the most part). I feel very alive to have made some of the best friends of my life on top of a mountain so it made leaving this year harder than last year, and I imagine it will just keep getting harder the more I return.

So, last Tuesday, I left my summer family and drove 16 hours to Denver. Tears were shed along I-90 as I drove through the mountains and away from yet another memorable summer. I cried because I knew that it would be 42 weeks before I saw some of those people again. And then I cried harder because it might be longer before I saw some of them. And then I laughed when I thought of some of the crazy late nights that were had.

When I arrived to Denver, hugged my awesome cousin for 2 minutes, and crashed.

The next afternoon, I made the jaunt over to Perry, KS to see the family and some very special friends. And even though we don't speak often, when we get together, it's like time hasn't even passed. Except it has because we are all 10 years older and they've all grown into beautiful wives and mothers. I hung out with my niece, making her birthday cupcakes for her classmates. The next day, I had lunch with her at school and realized how much I was missing. My niece turned 9 in no time at all. All of my girlfriends have little ones that are growing up so quickly....

I am NOT 23 anymore...

This was a terribly frightening thing to discover this last Wednesday morning, when I woke up in my car, with it running, with the heat on...I know, I know what you're thinking. I'm not proud of this and actually quite embarrassed, but I thought I would share it anyways...part of growing up I guess...

A group of us went to karaoke, something that I would do nightly when I actually was 23. When I was 23 (and yes, it's weird to think that it was 6 years ago) my buddy AK and I would go to a different bar each night just for the karaoke, the summer after I graduated. Mostly to drink, we often sang, and find an after-party (usually one that we organized)...nightly. This, though it was extremely fun, was me probably at my absolute lowest point in life...I attribute this to being young, dumb and scared. This is a summer that I only remember when people remind me of a situation...this was a summer where I could drink an entire box of Franzia in one night, by myself...yeah.

So, something was triggered in my brain, to make me drink far too much too fast, dance obscenely on a stripper pole (clothes on, thank god)...maybe it was the terrible singing, or the "i'll buy this round, you buy the next round" but I just got ridiculous. Did I have fun, yes. Did it end in embarrassment, YES. Have I grown up, yes...barely.

When I was 23, the night usually ended around 5am, in tears, stumbling home soaking wet from swimming in some apartment pool until the sun began to rise. This last Wednesday, I am unclear of exactly when my night ended, due to an after "hang" (I only say hang because 4 people were present) but after checking the 76 odd texts I sent and received through my sunglasses then next morning, with probably the worst hangover I've ever had...I can almost piece together my evening...