costumes, fleas, homesick disease

I recently booked a job at Ballet Austin. Exciting stuff, I'll be dressing 44 6-16 year olds for the Nutcraker for the month of December. I applied to a local store, Lucy in Disguise, a costume house. It was a cattle call of sorts for their busiest month, October. I stood in a line for about 30 minutes until I worked my way to the front of the line for an interview lasting all of 7 minutes. While in said line, I was surrounded by dorks. Not your run of the mill dorks, the kind that dress up for things other than theatrical productions and halloween. The kind that live and breathe comic books. I was embarrassed to say the least. During my interview, I was annoyed. To have stood in a line with such nerds, holding my resume that states I have a masters in costume design and production, and then to be asked what I dressed as for halloween last year. Which I responded, "I didn't, my grandfather died." Awesome, right? I later received a recorded message saying they wouldn't be needing me because there were more people that interviewed who had more costume experience than me...?????

In other news...I'm living with fleas, literally. Yet another reason I will be moving out at the end of October. I even passed fleas to my friends...thats embarrassing AND disgusting. The damn dude is shaping up to be quite the douche bag. In the last, what, 3 weeks, he has;
-wired 200$ to the Philippines for god knows what reasons
-asked me to move my art out of the shared living space
-moved my things, without asking first
-locked me out of the house.
I know what you are all thinking, and yes, I've learned a very valuable lesson. But we all need an adventure right?

Which brings me to my latest conundrum, I'm homesick. But, upon further analysis and much thought, I've realized, I don't have a home. There are things that I miss about every place I've lived.
I miss Kansas because I miss my family and friends.
I miss Boston because I miss my friends and the sleepless nights that were never spent alone. I miss the stale air of the costume shop and smoking on the fire escape. I miss the public transit and my therapist.
I miss Chicago because I miss having a mindless job and people that would drink with me until 4 in the morning and then go to breakfast with me. I miss the crisp air and the walk to the bus stop.
I miss Whitefish because I miss the clean air. I miss that there was always something to do and someone to talk to.
I miss Orlando because I miss...well....
But I wouldn't consider any of these places home...I don't know.

I've been having a really hard time as of late, looking to the future. Instead, I keep thinking where I was a year ago, and the year before that, and how I've experienced so much. Yet, I keep dwelling, but not in a regret sort of way....I keep thinking of how things could be different or maybe not at all. I have just never been able to look into the future, to plan out my life events. I've never been able to say, "In ten years I see myself with x, y and z." I'm just living life, planning what little I know and just letting the rest happen, all the while thinking of the events in my past that have brought me to where I am today...

That said, it's time for bed